As I am writing in my prayer journal God revealed to me how much easier, and quicker it would be to type my thoughts, prayers and life lessons out before Him on the computer. And maybe some lonely mother would benefit along the way as I hash out my mistakes and blessings I am learning from every day.
Motherhood is the loneliest place in the WORLD!! Yes I am at home with 3 children every single day of the week, all day, everyday, 24 hours a day, seven days a week and I am lonely. Lonely because I am needed by someone or something at all hours never having the chance to stop and if I do my weary body falls fast asleep. So I am lonely. I crave time with the Lord and yet it continues to be interrupted by my four year old who wants to change clothes for the third time this morning. Or by my 11 month old who can't crawl, walk or even sit up on her own and needs to be moved yet again from boredom. Or it could be by my two year old son who wants his night night and needs to watch "TB." Too bad we only allow 30 min. of "TB" a day. Could be much easier if that wasn't a rule in our house. But I am sacrificing for the benefit of my children...right?? Isn't that what we all say. We are sacrificing for our children. We sacrifice workouts and date nights and sleep and lazy parenting (you know the kind of parenting where the kids can do whatever they want as long as the parents aren't inconvenienced in any way.) We alter the music and tv and movies we watch because we know our children's innocent eyes should not be watching . And yet I realize this is not at all a sacrifice...this is a blessing.
Oh those dreadful words I have heard from older, wiser moms all around me. I say dreadful because everytime I hear an older, wiser mom say "enjoy this time, it will be gone soon!" I want to throw my incredibly persistent demanding four year old at them and say "here, enjoy this!!" But what God is revealing to me on this journey of life is the obvious blessings of 3 beautiful healthy children can be tainted by whines, cries, poopie diapers, potty training and disobedience but the blessing is the refining God is doing to me and in me while I attempt to mother these amazing children. I can see my sin, my disobedience, my whines and my persistent selfishness in my children. How is this a blessing?? Because on this journey I am to become more like Jesus. And to become more like Jesus I have to see the sin in my life and God shows me this through my children who are becoming just like me. SCARY!!
So here I am, on my journey to become more like the man I call Lord being corrected and refined by my 4, 2 and 11 month old. Not to mention by the godly incedibly good looking husband I have as well. He doesn't have poopy diapers though!!
So I call it a blessing to be lonely. I call it a blessing to be frustrated ALL the time. I call it a blessing to be sleep deprived. I call it a blessing to mother and provide for this family. I call it CRAZY to call it a blessing. But that is the beauty of Christ. This crazy thing we call life and the mistakes we make daily He will use to grow us into people of love, people of perseverence, people of grace, people of holiness, people of Jesus.
Romans 5:3-5 "And not only in this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perserverence, and perserverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not dissappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Until next time,
Megan
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Megan,
ReplyDeleteI met you at Cedarcrest when my daughter Waverly was there talking with your husband. Then.. I saw your comment on my buddy Angela's Crumbs in the Butter blog. Her blog is incredible. So, then I jumped over to your blog. Love your transparency.. we all need that more. Your blog brought back memories to me. I have 3 children who are close together in age. Waverly was only 20 months when Kendall was born then 23 months later, Grant came. They are now 11, 9 and 7. I think back to the early days and cannot believe I survived them. I remember laying in bed praying for the day we would say "Let's go to Publix" and everyone would be dressed, shoes on and tied, in the car with seat belts on. Your blog reminded me that we play such a huge roll in our children's lives, especially in the early days. I think if you asked my kids now, they would never have known I was stressed or tired or frustrated when they were little. They are now solid kids making their own way, learning to love the Lord. Keep being the face and light of Jesus.
If there is any advice I can give you (which isn't probably worth 2 cents) is to make time for yourself. It is OK to leave your children with a sitter, grandparents, etc. (even for a week) and be with your husband or girlfriends. I had to learn that the hard way. We went almost a year without a date one year. I regret that guilt I put on myself.
I keep a blog too but mainly to use a family diary. I can't go too deep on the blog because my kids read it. I get in trouble if I post anything embarrassing. I have a hard copy print for each year since I dont' scrapbook (another stressful thing I tried to do when they were little that didn't work for me). You can go to Blogs2print and they will print your blog in a book format. www.gilcreasegab.blogspot.com
God Bless you,
Jennifer Gilcrease
P.S. Waverly adores Pastor George. He has been such an encouragement to her.