First off, let me just say to even write this I have gone against everything I preach and put the oldest two kids in front of a movie and the baby in her crib (she has only been awake for an hour) because I need to fill my soul a minute with the yearning God has given me to write. I am realizing as a blog....occasionally...I do this for myself and for my relationship with God. Not that He doesn't already know the writing on the wall of my heart, but I sure feel better to express it out loud in a manner that pleases me and I hope is encouraging somebody. So never, ever let me even pretend I don't have "sanity" moments where I put the kids in places I know are "against the rules" just to indulge in self, even for just a moment.
We went to a birthday party on Saturday...all four of us. George was studying as usual for the unbelievable sermon he was preaching on Sunday, NO PERFECT PEOPLE ALLOWED!, so I had the honor of attending this party with all of the kids. When we got there, the birthday girl was vomiting frequently. Her mom, a dear friend of mine, was convinced she was just excited about her party, but as time progressed she was laying on the floor instead of playing with the other children. Two days later she and her brother were in the ER for dehydration...and to cap it all off Brody had decided to pick HER cup to drink out of at the party.
OK. any mom who has taken care of more than one sick child at a time can tell you the dread I felt when I saw my son joyfully drinking Jillian's juice. See, I have only been "supermom" twice in my life. And both of those times were when the kids were throwing up and I was too! And George just happened to be out of town both times. It was all on me, only me to nurse these precious children as well as myself back to health. Let me just say, ain't nobody comin', not even your dearest friend, when you mention even the slightest possibility of vomit. Therefore I do not recommend this to anyone. And now that I have done it...twice...and once pregnant, I DO NOT want to ever be "supermom" again. So you can only imagine the panic and fear that set in as Brody was drinking from her cup...and guess what...George is leaving tomorrow for L.A...of course!
So here starts the downward spiral. I know what this can turn out to be and it is BAD. So I begin to panic. I am angry, frustrated, convinced we are all going to be lying in a pool of vomit any minute (there is still a strong chance of that, since Brody began throwing up last night) and I start the anxiety attacks. I think I even convince the children they ARE sick just by the number of times I ask them "Does your tummy hurt?" They finally figure out they might get some extra attention and just say yes to humor themselves. So here I am in a full on panic attack waking every hour in the night at every peep waiting to hear "mommy, I need you" because the violent illness has set in, when surprisingly, I hear nothing. It was peaceful, even though sweet Brody tossed his cookies before bed last night.
Then, I open my bible this morning and begin to read Romans 8:6 "For the mind set on self is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." It was God saying to me, "Let me control your mind." The mind is a restless place, especially that of a mom of three small children. I have learned the "right" things to say on most occasions, but my mind is constantly rebelling against the peace that Christ offers through setting it on Him. I am so bad about letting my mind wander into ungodly things. And because nobody else can see it, it becomes my little secret. Especially when you can convince everyone you have total trust in the Lord by what comes out of your mouth. I love to say, "but God is good," and if I were really gut wrenching honest about my thoughts, I find myself doubting it by letting the brain-train take me down a road of "what ifs" which always leads to destruction, not to mention absolute ridiculousness!
So through this small episode of panic, George would say it was rather a large episode, I have learned how dirty and filthy my mind really is. I let it imagine, ponder, wonder the things that are of this world...fear, worry, envy, greed, jealousy and lust just to name a few. And yet nobody would know because after all "God is good." So it is a choice I am having to make. Do I set my thoughts on things that are pleasing to the Lord? On His promises and His word? Or do I let myself live in a state of panic and fear on a regular basis? It will be daily battle for me, as most of the thorns in my side are, but I so desperately want to have life and peace instead of destruction. So I am claiming Romans 8:6 and believing that if I set my mind, not my tongue, on things above I will have peace.
So I am saying "God is good," but I am also thinking it, meditating on it and believing it as well...at least one day at a time.
Until next time,
Megan
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I love to be thirsty!
Over a month and no blogging. I have been in the desert. Well, let me rephrase that. I was in the desert for a LONG TIME and for a month I have been drinking the cool waters from the Lords everlasting spring because I was so thirsty from being in the desert. Lapping up the Holy Spirit like it was going to run away and hide. I didn't even know I was in the desert. The craziness of life had thrown me in their a LONG time ago...like maybe 2 kids ago?? And yet I didn't even know it until the storm hit about a month ago and I found myself on my knees unable to pick my face off the ground due to a collaboration of events...and yet there I was, face down, broken, beaten and lonely when I discovered the most beautiful thing...It is in the desert that the Lord reveals himself in ways we can't see while on the mountain top. Let me explain...
We took the kids to Disney World for the first time. It was amazing. The moment they walked in and saw Cinderella's castle the indescribable joy on their faces could never be replaced. We did it all. We had one day and one day only. We rode all the rides, talked to all the characters, took in as many cheesy shows you could handle in a 12 hour period, and even stayed for the light parade and the fireworks. Our kids were sooo good. I mean knee-slapping, ear-to-ear grinning...a mother couldn't be more proud good. My oldest, McKenna, constantly said yes-ma'am this and no ma'am that...without even a hint of prompting. My son took a two hour nap in his stroller...not a question asked. Who were these children who invaded the bodies of the ones a remembered birthing? Then it hit me...they are getting everything they want at every turn. This was their heaven. They had the world at their finger tips and they were "happy" with their parents. So does this mean that we should always give them what they want and life would be so much easier....Absolutely not!! See my kids were on the mountain top and they thought life SHOULD and COULD be like this.
Aren't we, even as mature adults, like this when it comes to our relationship with the Lord. When everything is going good we LUV the Lord, don't we? Husband is making money, kids are behaving, marriage is exciting and fun, house looks good, we look good, and we just LUV Jesus...until He says NO! Then we frown and wonder what we did to deserve that cause everything seems to be going just fine. "That's not fair," we cry. We have already been through the desert and now that we have experienced the mountain shouldn't we get to stay there?? We find ourselves slowly backing away from the Lord cause we don't like what we are experiencing or secretly get angry (wouldn't want to ever tell anyone we were upset with God due to our circumstances cause that might hurt our "Christain" image) and so we stop going to church or stop spending time with the Lord because He just wasn't the genie in a bottle we thought He would be.
Then, if you have ever truly been in the desert, and allowed the Lord to speak to you there, you realize just how LOUD and TRUE He is when you get there. See when we come home from Disney world life is a shock. Kids still have to be told NO! They don't get what they want, they get what they need. And that makes them mad, mean and frustrated. And they fight hard for what they want instead of letting us, their parents, give them what they need. Which is love, discipline, boundaries, and correction. Sometimes, dare I say, God even places us in the desert! But because we have been so mad, mean and frustrated we can't hear Him. And let me just say it is much better to go to the desert willingly, knowing God has some life-altering things to teach you, because He loves you more than you could ever imagine, than to go their fighting...cause it looks pretty ugly when we go fighting.
So I love being thirsty. I love knowing I am empty without the Lord. I know that being in the desert is the most beautiful picture of grace and love one could ever experience. Face down, eating dirt, embarrassed and hurt is where I feel the strong loving arms and sweet, sweet voice of my Savior reach out and rescue me. He shows me how much He loves me and all it does is make me want to stay right there in that moment. No matter what the circumstances around me look like, in that moment is where I want to be. So that is where I have been. In that moment, just basking in the fragrance and love of my King. Oh, and I guess I went to Disney World, too! And now, now it is over. I am sad and yet I am grateful for the time I spent there. Who knows, maybe I will end up there again soon. I pray that I will live broken. And in that brokenness, cling to the soft voice of Jesus, instead of the LOUD EMPTY voice of the world that tells me it is better to have it all...because in the small, still voice that lives in the desert is riches far beyond what this world has to offer.
Until next time,
Megan
We took the kids to Disney World for the first time. It was amazing. The moment they walked in and saw Cinderella's castle the indescribable joy on their faces could never be replaced. We did it all. We had one day and one day only. We rode all the rides, talked to all the characters, took in as many cheesy shows you could handle in a 12 hour period, and even stayed for the light parade and the fireworks. Our kids were sooo good. I mean knee-slapping, ear-to-ear grinning...a mother couldn't be more proud good. My oldest, McKenna, constantly said yes-ma'am this and no ma'am that...without even a hint of prompting. My son took a two hour nap in his stroller...not a question asked. Who were these children who invaded the bodies of the ones a remembered birthing? Then it hit me...they are getting everything they want at every turn. This was their heaven. They had the world at their finger tips and they were "happy" with their parents. So does this mean that we should always give them what they want and life would be so much easier....Absolutely not!! See my kids were on the mountain top and they thought life SHOULD and COULD be like this.
Aren't we, even as mature adults, like this when it comes to our relationship with the Lord. When everything is going good we LUV the Lord, don't we? Husband is making money, kids are behaving, marriage is exciting and fun, house looks good, we look good, and we just LUV Jesus...until He says NO! Then we frown and wonder what we did to deserve that cause everything seems to be going just fine. "That's not fair," we cry. We have already been through the desert and now that we have experienced the mountain shouldn't we get to stay there?? We find ourselves slowly backing away from the Lord cause we don't like what we are experiencing or secretly get angry (wouldn't want to ever tell anyone we were upset with God due to our circumstances cause that might hurt our "Christain" image) and so we stop going to church or stop spending time with the Lord because He just wasn't the genie in a bottle we thought He would be.
Then, if you have ever truly been in the desert, and allowed the Lord to speak to you there, you realize just how LOUD and TRUE He is when you get there. See when we come home from Disney world life is a shock. Kids still have to be told NO! They don't get what they want, they get what they need. And that makes them mad, mean and frustrated. And they fight hard for what they want instead of letting us, their parents, give them what they need. Which is love, discipline, boundaries, and correction. Sometimes, dare I say, God even places us in the desert! But because we have been so mad, mean and frustrated we can't hear Him. And let me just say it is much better to go to the desert willingly, knowing God has some life-altering things to teach you, because He loves you more than you could ever imagine, than to go their fighting...cause it looks pretty ugly when we go fighting.
So I love being thirsty. I love knowing I am empty without the Lord. I know that being in the desert is the most beautiful picture of grace and love one could ever experience. Face down, eating dirt, embarrassed and hurt is where I feel the strong loving arms and sweet, sweet voice of my Savior reach out and rescue me. He shows me how much He loves me and all it does is make me want to stay right there in that moment. No matter what the circumstances around me look like, in that moment is where I want to be. So that is where I have been. In that moment, just basking in the fragrance and love of my King. Oh, and I guess I went to Disney World, too! And now, now it is over. I am sad and yet I am grateful for the time I spent there. Who knows, maybe I will end up there again soon. I pray that I will live broken. And in that brokenness, cling to the soft voice of Jesus, instead of the LOUD EMPTY voice of the world that tells me it is better to have it all...because in the small, still voice that lives in the desert is riches far beyond what this world has to offer.
Until next time,
Megan
Friday, February 20, 2009
Serving an Audience of One
God is moving in me! He is stirring up things, shaking me to the core of who I am as a Christian. He is reminding me of why He has given George and I this vision of the local church. He has met me with his Holy Spirit in such a manner these past few days all I have felt is His holy Hand upon me. All I can smell is the fragrance of my King. All I can feel is the undeniable love my Savior has for me. And I am reminded that all I am called to do is share it with those around me.
I lose sight of what God has called us, meaning believers, to do. I get consumed with the thoughts and opinions of those around me wondering if their perspective of me is good, bad or indifferent. I get bogged down with the minor things...the daily grind of being a mom and a pastor's wife. I get tired. But God is reminding me that it is a HOLY privilege to serve Him. My husband has been anointed by Jesus Christ and we are called to share Him with the world. We are privileged to go into the world and be used by the Lord through our gifts to lead people to Him. He is gently, lovingly showing me that it is NOT the perspective of the church that matters to me, it is God's perspective of me. It is like this new found freedom I have found in this basic lesson in Christianity.
We tell people all the time we are free in Christ. But then we as Christians, find ourselves being enslaved to others opinions, especially to those who ARE Christians. We let those opinions get in the way of who we are serving. See we forget that the only audience we serve is ONE. Not our church, our family, our friends, our ministry, our kids, but ONE God and ONE King. That is so freeing to me. And the one thing God, the only one I serve, has asked us to do is share His love and sacrifice to those who do not know him. That is what makes the heavens shake. Nothing else matters. Do we get this believers? Do we really get this when we find ourselves complaining about how the church isn't doing this, or isn't doing that? Are people coming to know God? I mean people who didn't know Him before. Because my concern isn't for the healed it is for the sick. And if you are truly healed then your concern should be about the sick as well...not about yourself! OUCH!
What are we doing to bring those around us to know Christ? Are we reaching out to the people who are hurting or are we spending our time trying to fix something that isn't broken in the first place? I want to go where other people won't go. I want to have the church that people feel welcomed in and loved because God shows up there. Not where people are concerned about themselves and what is in this for them. I want Jesus. I want to see lives changed. I want to stop doing church for the church people and start doing it for the one's who are lost. Bet I stepped on some toes there! I want to serve an audience of ONE. I want God to transform the heart's of the people in our church to want these things too. I want there to be a movement in Dallas/Acworth Georgia that people can't resist because Christians are acting like Christians. They are caring about others instead of themselves. Where the local church is a safe place for those who aren't welcomed anywhere else.
All I want is Jesus! What if... just what if that is ALL we, who call ourselves Christians, wanted too? Then maybe those who didn't know Christ would actually know Him if we stopped letting ourselves get in the way of Jesus.
Lord shove me aside and make it about You, only You, and then let me tell the world!!
Until next time,
Megan
I lose sight of what God has called us, meaning believers, to do. I get consumed with the thoughts and opinions of those around me wondering if their perspective of me is good, bad or indifferent. I get bogged down with the minor things...the daily grind of being a mom and a pastor's wife. I get tired. But God is reminding me that it is a HOLY privilege to serve Him. My husband has been anointed by Jesus Christ and we are called to share Him with the world. We are privileged to go into the world and be used by the Lord through our gifts to lead people to Him. He is gently, lovingly showing me that it is NOT the perspective of the church that matters to me, it is God's perspective of me. It is like this new found freedom I have found in this basic lesson in Christianity.
We tell people all the time we are free in Christ. But then we as Christians, find ourselves being enslaved to others opinions, especially to those who ARE Christians. We let those opinions get in the way of who we are serving. See we forget that the only audience we serve is ONE. Not our church, our family, our friends, our ministry, our kids, but ONE God and ONE King. That is so freeing to me. And the one thing God, the only one I serve, has asked us to do is share His love and sacrifice to those who do not know him. That is what makes the heavens shake. Nothing else matters. Do we get this believers? Do we really get this when we find ourselves complaining about how the church isn't doing this, or isn't doing that? Are people coming to know God? I mean people who didn't know Him before. Because my concern isn't for the healed it is for the sick. And if you are truly healed then your concern should be about the sick as well...not about yourself! OUCH!
What are we doing to bring those around us to know Christ? Are we reaching out to the people who are hurting or are we spending our time trying to fix something that isn't broken in the first place? I want to go where other people won't go. I want to have the church that people feel welcomed in and loved because God shows up there. Not where people are concerned about themselves and what is in this for them. I want Jesus. I want to see lives changed. I want to stop doing church for the church people and start doing it for the one's who are lost. Bet I stepped on some toes there! I want to serve an audience of ONE. I want God to transform the heart's of the people in our church to want these things too. I want there to be a movement in Dallas/Acworth Georgia that people can't resist because Christians are acting like Christians. They are caring about others instead of themselves. Where the local church is a safe place for those who aren't welcomed anywhere else.
All I want is Jesus! What if... just what if that is ALL we, who call ourselves Christians, wanted too? Then maybe those who didn't know Christ would actually know Him if we stopped letting ourselves get in the way of Jesus.
Lord shove me aside and make it about You, only You, and then let me tell the world!!
Until next time,
Megan
Monday, February 9, 2009
Naked and Unashamed
After years of counseling, I have discovered my biggest struggle....CONTROL. Which inevitably rears its ugly head into the form of perfectionism. We moms don't view this as a bad thing, in fact we feed the monster. Constantly comparing ourselves to the other, praising each other when our houses are immaculate, kids are always cute and bows in tact, food is perfectly prepared....and then we get tired. And we realize a ball is going to have to drop or else we will! So I listen to the advise, once again from that older wiser mom, to let the cobwebs go. Don't worry if the bed isn't made or I am not dressed and showered until 5 pm on most days. So I swallow my pride and let it go. And then comes the ugly monster again...CONTROL.
See, this is all an illusion. The cobwebs, the unmade beds, the cereal bowls in the sink, its all an illusion. I am only trying to convince myself and others around me I DO NOT struggle with control anymore. Then why am I always frustrated? Angry? Bitter? Because I can't function in chaos. I can't function until things look perfect, or pretty close to it. So instead of being exhausted from perfectionism I am frustrated from lack of control. Frustrated I can't manage to make the house sparkle 24/7. Frustrated I can't seem to leave the house without leaving pajamas on the floor from the night before. Frustrated I can't get ANYWHERE on time. Frustrated because I am afraid. Afraid of what? Of FAILURE! It all boils down to fear for me. Fear of Failure. Failure to be a good mom, a good wife, a good homemaker, a good minister, a good daughter, a good friend. The list goes on. I live most of my days frustrated with the world around me because it doesn't fit into my box.
And then I realize, with the help of my counselor (man, I love counselors) I am letting my fear of failure dictate how I feel about myself. It controls me! It prevents me from inviting a friend over because I am too afraid of what they might thing if the house looks the way it does. And if I try to take the "high road" and invite them anyway (convincing myself I have over come this monster of control) I remain frustrated with the situation and finding myself apologizing for the mess. Who has three kids under 4 and lives in perfect peace and serenity anyways?? So I live frustrated all of the time. Frustrated with myself, my kids, my husband because they are the reason I can't make it all look perfect. Or at least good.
And then I read God's word. In Genesis 32:24-32 Jacob wrestles with an angel...and loses. He is wounded and hurt. Which is where most of our failures leave us. Wounded and hurt. Ashamed that we can't live up to our own expectations of ourselves or of the expectations of those around us. Then, the most beautiful thing happens. The angel blesses Jacob. And we aren't talking about just any blessing. He names him Israel, which means Gods chosen people. Um hello. Jacob failed and God blessed him...majorly!! So am fearing what? Yes, the instant wound or hurt or scar, but I am preventing the lasting blessing that comes through failure. God wants us to fail. It shows us we are in need of a Savior. We can't do this thing called life on our own. But I mask it with the facade of control. In fact I am so in control, I masked the issue of control it self by trying to look as if I didn't need to be (hence the dirty dishes in my sink this very moment), only secretely leaving me void and frustrated.
So when I fail, and I will say when because it will happen daily, I will know there is a blessing from the Lord right behind it. It might show up in the form of grace, comfort, love, endurance, peace, whatever it is God wants to use to make me more like Jesus in the process. So I am going to let my fear go, one step at a time. I will not miss out on God's blessing because I am frustrated and disappointed in myself and those around me. I will not miss out! Hold me to this, I love the Lord and the people around me too much to live like this. I am breaking this cycle of sin that has passed itself down from generation to generation in my family. May I drop naked and unashamed into the hands of Christ full of admitted failure so he might bless me and in turn bless those around me.
God is beautiful, free, unashamed, and ready for me to run to him imperfections and all.
Until next time,
Megan
See, this is all an illusion. The cobwebs, the unmade beds, the cereal bowls in the sink, its all an illusion. I am only trying to convince myself and others around me I DO NOT struggle with control anymore. Then why am I always frustrated? Angry? Bitter? Because I can't function in chaos. I can't function until things look perfect, or pretty close to it. So instead of being exhausted from perfectionism I am frustrated from lack of control. Frustrated I can't manage to make the house sparkle 24/7. Frustrated I can't seem to leave the house without leaving pajamas on the floor from the night before. Frustrated I can't get ANYWHERE on time. Frustrated because I am afraid. Afraid of what? Of FAILURE! It all boils down to fear for me. Fear of Failure. Failure to be a good mom, a good wife, a good homemaker, a good minister, a good daughter, a good friend. The list goes on. I live most of my days frustrated with the world around me because it doesn't fit into my box.
And then I realize, with the help of my counselor (man, I love counselors) I am letting my fear of failure dictate how I feel about myself. It controls me! It prevents me from inviting a friend over because I am too afraid of what they might thing if the house looks the way it does. And if I try to take the "high road" and invite them anyway (convincing myself I have over come this monster of control) I remain frustrated with the situation and finding myself apologizing for the mess. Who has three kids under 4 and lives in perfect peace and serenity anyways?? So I live frustrated all of the time. Frustrated with myself, my kids, my husband because they are the reason I can't make it all look perfect. Or at least good.
And then I read God's word. In Genesis 32:24-32 Jacob wrestles with an angel...and loses. He is wounded and hurt. Which is where most of our failures leave us. Wounded and hurt. Ashamed that we can't live up to our own expectations of ourselves or of the expectations of those around us. Then, the most beautiful thing happens. The angel blesses Jacob. And we aren't talking about just any blessing. He names him Israel, which means Gods chosen people. Um hello. Jacob failed and God blessed him...majorly!! So am fearing what? Yes, the instant wound or hurt or scar, but I am preventing the lasting blessing that comes through failure. God wants us to fail. It shows us we are in need of a Savior. We can't do this thing called life on our own. But I mask it with the facade of control. In fact I am so in control, I masked the issue of control it self by trying to look as if I didn't need to be (hence the dirty dishes in my sink this very moment), only secretely leaving me void and frustrated.
So when I fail, and I will say when because it will happen daily, I will know there is a blessing from the Lord right behind it. It might show up in the form of grace, comfort, love, endurance, peace, whatever it is God wants to use to make me more like Jesus in the process. So I am going to let my fear go, one step at a time. I will not miss out on God's blessing because I am frustrated and disappointed in myself and those around me. I will not miss out! Hold me to this, I love the Lord and the people around me too much to live like this. I am breaking this cycle of sin that has passed itself down from generation to generation in my family. May I drop naked and unashamed into the hands of Christ full of admitted failure so he might bless me and in turn bless those around me.
God is beautiful, free, unashamed, and ready for me to run to him imperfections and all.
Until next time,
Megan
Monday, February 2, 2009
When I grow up, I don't want to be a Mommy!
I asked McKenna, my oldest and by far my most challenging child thus far, (could be because she is myself in toddler form!) "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Her response was something deafening to any mothers ears, "Well, I don't want to be a mommy." "Why not," I asked her. Her cool, calm response was, "Because I don't want to be like, you."
Stab, punch, jab, hurl right through the heart. My eyes welled up with tears, but I quickly put my pride back together and like any "good" mother responded, "Fine, well then don't be a mommy when you grow up. See if I care." Lie, lie, lie!! Not to mention I became 4 again as I responded to her with such elementary emphasis. My four year old has once again managed to bring me to my knees with piercing words that cut right through my core.
I am driving home after dropping her off at preschool rehashing the conversation over and over in my head and I am deeply hurt by the words of my four year old little girl. My baby. The pride and joy of my life. The same kind of hurt that makes you pause and do a soul search. What is wrong with me? Am I really that bad? What do I need to change? When I remember what God's Word says about the tongue. James 3: 5-6 "So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. Behold, how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the VERY word of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." You better believe my whole body was on fire... and it was my four year old who sent it a blazin'!
Words are so incredibly powerful. As women we use thousands of words a day. Not to mention thousands more words then men in just ONE day, which is probably why we set so many more fires than they do. We talk bad about it each other. We just can't help ourselves. And half of the time it is about those we love the most. We poke, prod, jab with a little dose of sugar, after all we do live in the sweet south, and feel like we aren't hurtin'any feelings if we end it with "bless their hearts." But bottom line, WORDS can HURT no matter what you season them with. Words have made me who I am. The good and the bad. The spoken words of those I love and the Word of God have molded me into the woman I am today.
So I am on a mission. If my four year old can hurt me like this, then I know I can do some serious damage, too! I want to heal with words, not hurt with them. I want to encourage people. I want to love with my lips. Isn't it the most amazing feeling when someone tells you how incredible you are. How much they love you. Isn't it soul feeding to hear scripture being prayed over you through the lips of a loved one. Almost like it's pouring down your throat like warm hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. It makes us feel cozy, comfortable in how God made us and accepted. This is why the Lord tells us "Encourage one another, and build each other up, don't tear each other down."
Think of how the non-believing person would gravitate to us if we really did this for each other. It would be revolutionary if we actually started building towers of encouragement for one another instead of setting them on fire. And it starts at home. It starts with the ones we love the most. Even if they are four, feisty and ready for battle guns a blazin.' So from here on out I am going to try my hardest to love with my tongue. God help me when I revert to four again. I just can't seem to help myself!
Until next time,
Megan
Stab, punch, jab, hurl right through the heart. My eyes welled up with tears, but I quickly put my pride back together and like any "good" mother responded, "Fine, well then don't be a mommy when you grow up. See if I care." Lie, lie, lie!! Not to mention I became 4 again as I responded to her with such elementary emphasis. My four year old has once again managed to bring me to my knees with piercing words that cut right through my core.
I am driving home after dropping her off at preschool rehashing the conversation over and over in my head and I am deeply hurt by the words of my four year old little girl. My baby. The pride and joy of my life. The same kind of hurt that makes you pause and do a soul search. What is wrong with me? Am I really that bad? What do I need to change? When I remember what God's Word says about the tongue. James 3: 5-6 "So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. Behold, how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the VERY word of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." You better believe my whole body was on fire... and it was my four year old who sent it a blazin'!
Words are so incredibly powerful. As women we use thousands of words a day. Not to mention thousands more words then men in just ONE day, which is probably why we set so many more fires than they do. We talk bad about it each other. We just can't help ourselves. And half of the time it is about those we love the most. We poke, prod, jab with a little dose of sugar, after all we do live in the sweet south, and feel like we aren't hurtin'any feelings if we end it with "bless their hearts." But bottom line, WORDS can HURT no matter what you season them with. Words have made me who I am. The good and the bad. The spoken words of those I love and the Word of God have molded me into the woman I am today.
So I am on a mission. If my four year old can hurt me like this, then I know I can do some serious damage, too! I want to heal with words, not hurt with them. I want to encourage people. I want to love with my lips. Isn't it the most amazing feeling when someone tells you how incredible you are. How much they love you. Isn't it soul feeding to hear scripture being prayed over you through the lips of a loved one. Almost like it's pouring down your throat like warm hot chocolate on a cold rainy day. It makes us feel cozy, comfortable in how God made us and accepted. This is why the Lord tells us "Encourage one another, and build each other up, don't tear each other down."
Think of how the non-believing person would gravitate to us if we really did this for each other. It would be revolutionary if we actually started building towers of encouragement for one another instead of setting them on fire. And it starts at home. It starts with the ones we love the most. Even if they are four, feisty and ready for battle guns a blazin.' So from here on out I am going to try my hardest to love with my tongue. God help me when I revert to four again. I just can't seem to help myself!
Until next time,
Megan
Saturday, January 31, 2009
This crazy thing we call life
As I am writing in my prayer journal God revealed to me how much easier, and quicker it would be to type my thoughts, prayers and life lessons out before Him on the computer. And maybe some lonely mother would benefit along the way as I hash out my mistakes and blessings I am learning from every day.
Motherhood is the loneliest place in the WORLD!! Yes I am at home with 3 children every single day of the week, all day, everyday, 24 hours a day, seven days a week and I am lonely. Lonely because I am needed by someone or something at all hours never having the chance to stop and if I do my weary body falls fast asleep. So I am lonely. I crave time with the Lord and yet it continues to be interrupted by my four year old who wants to change clothes for the third time this morning. Or by my 11 month old who can't crawl, walk or even sit up on her own and needs to be moved yet again from boredom. Or it could be by my two year old son who wants his night night and needs to watch "TB." Too bad we only allow 30 min. of "TB" a day. Could be much easier if that wasn't a rule in our house. But I am sacrificing for the benefit of my children...right?? Isn't that what we all say. We are sacrificing for our children. We sacrifice workouts and date nights and sleep and lazy parenting (you know the kind of parenting where the kids can do whatever they want as long as the parents aren't inconvenienced in any way.) We alter the music and tv and movies we watch because we know our children's innocent eyes should not be watching . And yet I realize this is not at all a sacrifice...this is a blessing.
Oh those dreadful words I have heard from older, wiser moms all around me. I say dreadful because everytime I hear an older, wiser mom say "enjoy this time, it will be gone soon!" I want to throw my incredibly persistent demanding four year old at them and say "here, enjoy this!!" But what God is revealing to me on this journey of life is the obvious blessings of 3 beautiful healthy children can be tainted by whines, cries, poopie diapers, potty training and disobedience but the blessing is the refining God is doing to me and in me while I attempt to mother these amazing children. I can see my sin, my disobedience, my whines and my persistent selfishness in my children. How is this a blessing?? Because on this journey I am to become more like Jesus. And to become more like Jesus I have to see the sin in my life and God shows me this through my children who are becoming just like me. SCARY!!
So here I am, on my journey to become more like the man I call Lord being corrected and refined by my 4, 2 and 11 month old. Not to mention by the godly incedibly good looking husband I have as well. He doesn't have poopy diapers though!!
So I call it a blessing to be lonely. I call it a blessing to be frustrated ALL the time. I call it a blessing to be sleep deprived. I call it a blessing to mother and provide for this family. I call it CRAZY to call it a blessing. But that is the beauty of Christ. This crazy thing we call life and the mistakes we make daily He will use to grow us into people of love, people of perseverence, people of grace, people of holiness, people of Jesus.
Romans 5:3-5 "And not only in this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perserverence, and perserverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not dissappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Until next time,
Megan
Motherhood is the loneliest place in the WORLD!! Yes I am at home with 3 children every single day of the week, all day, everyday, 24 hours a day, seven days a week and I am lonely. Lonely because I am needed by someone or something at all hours never having the chance to stop and if I do my weary body falls fast asleep. So I am lonely. I crave time with the Lord and yet it continues to be interrupted by my four year old who wants to change clothes for the third time this morning. Or by my 11 month old who can't crawl, walk or even sit up on her own and needs to be moved yet again from boredom. Or it could be by my two year old son who wants his night night and needs to watch "TB." Too bad we only allow 30 min. of "TB" a day. Could be much easier if that wasn't a rule in our house. But I am sacrificing for the benefit of my children...right?? Isn't that what we all say. We are sacrificing for our children. We sacrifice workouts and date nights and sleep and lazy parenting (you know the kind of parenting where the kids can do whatever they want as long as the parents aren't inconvenienced in any way.) We alter the music and tv and movies we watch because we know our children's innocent eyes should not be watching . And yet I realize this is not at all a sacrifice...this is a blessing.
Oh those dreadful words I have heard from older, wiser moms all around me. I say dreadful because everytime I hear an older, wiser mom say "enjoy this time, it will be gone soon!" I want to throw my incredibly persistent demanding four year old at them and say "here, enjoy this!!" But what God is revealing to me on this journey of life is the obvious blessings of 3 beautiful healthy children can be tainted by whines, cries, poopie diapers, potty training and disobedience but the blessing is the refining God is doing to me and in me while I attempt to mother these amazing children. I can see my sin, my disobedience, my whines and my persistent selfishness in my children. How is this a blessing?? Because on this journey I am to become more like Jesus. And to become more like Jesus I have to see the sin in my life and God shows me this through my children who are becoming just like me. SCARY!!
So here I am, on my journey to become more like the man I call Lord being corrected and refined by my 4, 2 and 11 month old. Not to mention by the godly incedibly good looking husband I have as well. He doesn't have poopy diapers though!!
So I call it a blessing to be lonely. I call it a blessing to be frustrated ALL the time. I call it a blessing to be sleep deprived. I call it a blessing to mother and provide for this family. I call it CRAZY to call it a blessing. But that is the beauty of Christ. This crazy thing we call life and the mistakes we make daily He will use to grow us into people of love, people of perseverence, people of grace, people of holiness, people of Jesus.
Romans 5:3-5 "And not only in this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perserverence, and perserverance, proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not dissappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."
Until next time,
Megan
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