I have always been a little afraid of Heaven. Obviously I am more afraid of Hell, but still there has been that fear of Heaven that has lived in my heart... and I even know the verse where it says there is no fear in our perfect God. I began to search my heart and God's word as to why this fear I have exists. I started praying when God asked me to "be still, and listen." I am really really bad at this. I want to babble. I want to explain my self. But against all of my flesh, I stop and breathe and I am quite.
Things are still for a moment. Things are very very quite in my very very loud house. And I hear His voice whispering things to me. He is revealing things to me that only He can reveal in the quietness of my heart. He is showing me that my fear is because I can't imagine not having my husband hold my hand or place his arm around me. I can't imagine not being surrounded by three little people who give me joy in the middle of a storm. I can't imagine not calling my mom for a good chat, or the friends that have loved and encouraged us through our lives. And for some reason I feel like these things will be different in Heaven. Who knows, really?!.
I realize this sounds silly considering my puny human mind can't even begin to comprehend the luxuries and glory of Heaven. But what I am realizing is all of these things are what bring me joy. They bring me joy and fill my heart and guess what??..it can all be gone in an instant. God is showing me why my joy fades when George and I have an argument (or intense fellowship as we like to call it). It fades when the three little people become the storm instead of the peace in the midst of it. Or when that friend is hurtful and discouraging instead of encouraging. Then I am just a hurt, sorry, tired person. And so, my joy is no longer. And that, my friend is where I still struggle...finding joy in the things of this world.
My joy should completely and utterly come from the Lord. So when the storms hit and the people fail, I still have the joy and peace and love that only Christ is able to give. And until I can come to a place where God alone is my joy and my all and my fulfillment, I will always be a little afraid of Heaven. I know when I fully grasp what it means to have nothing but the joy of the Lord, I will be like Paul, and long for the day I get to be in paradise with my Saviour. My journey has so many mountains ahead, but my prayer is that over one of those mountains is the valley of the joy of the Lord. I trust through my journey I will arrive there someday and long for the day where my joy will be complete and have no end.
But until that day, I will keep resting in the arms of Jesus! Trusting He is the author and perfecter of my faith and He will continue to show me what true joy looks like, even when I am having a stubborn, fearful moment. Thank you God, for being joy when all else fails. May I believe it and live it so I long for the day to be with you in Heaven. Because really, who is afraid of Heaven??
Until next time,