Thursday, March 26, 2009

I love to be thirsty!

Over a month and no blogging. I have been in the desert. Well, let me rephrase that. I was in the desert for a LONG TIME and for a month I have been drinking the cool waters from the Lords everlasting spring because I was so thirsty from being in the desert. Lapping up the Holy Spirit like it was going to run away and hide. I didn't even know I was in the desert. The craziness of life had thrown me in their a LONG time maybe 2 kids ago?? And yet I didn't even know it until the storm hit about a month ago and I found myself on my knees unable to pick my face off the ground due to a collaboration of events...and yet there I was, face down, broken, beaten and lonely when I discovered the most beautiful thing...It is in the desert that the Lord reveals himself in ways we can't see while on the mountain top. Let me explain...

We took the kids to Disney World for the first time. It was amazing. The moment they walked in and saw Cinderella's castle the indescribable joy on their faces could never be replaced. We did it all. We had one day and one day only. We rode all the rides, talked to all the characters, took in as many cheesy shows you could handle in a 12 hour period, and even stayed for the light parade and the fireworks. Our kids were sooo good. I mean knee-slapping, ear-to-ear grinning...a mother couldn't be more proud good. My oldest, McKenna, constantly said yes-ma'am this and no ma'am that...without even a hint of prompting. My son took a two hour nap in his stroller...not a question asked. Who were these children who invaded the bodies of the ones a remembered birthing? Then it hit me...they are getting everything they want at every turn. This was their heaven. They had the world at their finger tips and they were "happy" with their parents. So does this mean that we should always give them what they want and life would be so much easier....Absolutely not!! See my kids were on the mountain top and they thought life SHOULD and COULD be like this.

Aren't we, even as mature adults, like this when it comes to our relationship with the Lord. When everything is going good we LUV the Lord, don't we? Husband is making money, kids are behaving, marriage is exciting and fun, house looks good, we look good, and we just LUV Jesus...until He says NO! Then we frown and wonder what we did to deserve that cause everything seems to be going just fine. "That's not fair," we cry. We have already been through the desert and now that we have experienced the mountain shouldn't we get to stay there?? We find ourselves slowly backing away from the Lord cause we don't like what we are experiencing or secretly get angry (wouldn't want to ever tell anyone we were upset with God due to our circumstances cause that might hurt our "Christain" image) and so we stop going to church or stop spending time with the Lord because He just wasn't the genie in a bottle we thought He would be.

Then, if you have ever truly been in the desert, and allowed the Lord to speak to you there, you realize just how LOUD and TRUE He is when you get there. See when we come home from Disney world life is a shock. Kids still have to be told NO! They don't get what they want, they get what they need. And that makes them mad, mean and frustrated. And they fight hard for what they want instead of letting us, their parents, give them what they need. Which is love, discipline, boundaries, and correction. Sometimes, dare I say, God even places us in the desert! But because we have been so mad, mean and frustrated we can't hear Him. And let me just say it is much better to go to the desert willingly, knowing God has some life-altering things to teach you, because He loves you more than you could ever imagine, than to go their fighting...cause it looks pretty ugly when we go fighting.

So I love being thirsty. I love knowing I am empty without the Lord. I know that being in the desert is the most beautiful picture of grace and love one could ever experience. Face down, eating dirt, embarrassed and hurt is where I feel the strong loving arms and sweet, sweet voice of my Savior reach out and rescue me. He shows me how much He loves me and all it does is make me want to stay right there in that moment. No matter what the circumstances around me look like, in that moment is where I want to be. So that is where I have been. In that moment, just basking in the fragrance and love of my King. Oh, and I guess I went to Disney World, too! And now, now it is over. I am sad and yet I am grateful for the time I spent there. Who knows, maybe I will end up there again soon. I pray that I will live broken. And in that brokenness, cling to the soft voice of Jesus, instead of the LOUD EMPTY voice of the world that tells me it is better to have it all...because in the small, still voice that lives in the desert is riches far beyond what this world has to offer.

Until next time,